I got an accident when I played basketball. Was so hurt enough in my head. Well, I actually didn't have to tell him that I got an accident . Ever since he replied my last mail I already knew that he doesn't like to talk to me anymore. Until now I still don't know how to reply that mail. Or probably he doesn't even care whether or not I'll reply. Guys always could be so mean when he really don't wanna talk to u. N I believe he's the 1 though.
Eventually I told him that I had an accident. I thought maybe he would have care n concern bout me like he used to. Thought he'll call me or keep msging me n ask me how's everything ... the way he replied me ..was as normal as a friend asked. In fact, friends of mine, they all called up. But still I couldn't get his call...I'm so disappointed n sad. Reading back his last mail n always feel hurt especially the last sentence.
Did he ever thought of why did I behave like that? Whenever I behaved like that, it must be that I couldn't find him for so many days. Y only he got pissed off on me always? What bout me? I got pissed off too whenever I couldn't get him.
Last time when we were still in good of keeping in touch, I never behaved like that...but I'm not sure if he had noticed that.
A friendship day..well, yea.."we r more than a friend status" that's what he used to say to me. Well maybe we shd be just back to as normal. But I miss him everyday, sometimes I really dont wish to think bout him. It's like torturing with.only missing but without keeping in touch. So hurt..
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Wednesday nights
I used to like wed nites. Because I knew that he'll call me after his work or either text me. But... not anymore. And now every wed nites I am wondering what is he doing.. n I dun even expect we could chat on his weekends although he used to tell me that he'll make himself free so that we could chat. N still.... I'm waiting.
Last nite was so depressed. Tears were falling spontaneously .. bout work,personal life.. feel that myself is a loser, m yet I duno who to talk to in middle of nite. Wanted to text him, but he'll never reply me anymore. I just feel that I was abandoned by him with no reason n with out of sudden. So innocent.
Last nite was so depressed. Tears were falling spontaneously .. bout work,personal life.. feel that myself is a loser, m yet I duno who to talk to in middle of nite. Wanted to text him, but he'll never reply me anymore. I just feel that I was abandoned by him with no reason n with out of sudden. So innocent.
Monday, July 12, 2010
"Hi" was a Bye..
Doubtfully that why did he avoid me for so long. Why did he always do that suddenly. It's more than a week. And I knew that he did receive my msgs,just duno y he just didn't want to reply. Everyday I was so curious n thinking bout what happen to him? Or was it my problem..?? This is a very 1st time I feel that myself is so annoying & irritating to someone.
This morning I was catching the Worldcup final match with friends. I text him...still no reply and yet i knew he read my msgs. Just there's no reply at all. A very last msg I sent to him " Just a Hi,maybe..??" He then replied "Hi".. i replied "Thanks" so, what is that suppose to mean?? He has been avoided & neglected me for so long, still he told me that he will never abandon me.
That "hi" was seriously hurt enough..although I had to enjoy the game with friends of mine. I was happy that Spain won the game, but my heart was liked torn apart. Truely deeply hurt & falling so hard. From that moment on, I knew that would b our last msg. I think that "Hi" is probably just our Goodbye. I just couldn't control my falling tears when I think bout it. Whenever i sent him a mad msg, he'll reply then. And asked me y am i always hv negative thoughts??? i just couldn't tell him that "how can i dun think in that way when u r actually behaving a negative communication to me?"not even receive a msg or call from him after 2 weeks.
Although i know that i couldn't get any answer that i want from him. But still,I wanna say thanks alot to him that he came back for me. N made me loved him so much which I never loved someone so deep before. With my endless love & no regret. Thanks honey. I love you.
This morning I was catching the Worldcup final match with friends. I text him...still no reply and yet i knew he read my msgs. Just there's no reply at all. A very last msg I sent to him " Just a Hi,maybe..??" He then replied "Hi".. i replied "Thanks" so, what is that suppose to mean?? He has been avoided & neglected me for so long, still he told me that he will never abandon me.
That "hi" was seriously hurt enough..although I had to enjoy the game with friends of mine. I was happy that Spain won the game, but my heart was liked torn apart. Truely deeply hurt & falling so hard. From that moment on, I knew that would b our last msg. I think that "Hi" is probably just our Goodbye. I just couldn't control my falling tears when I think bout it. Whenever i sent him a mad msg, he'll reply then. And asked me y am i always hv negative thoughts??? i just couldn't tell him that "how can i dun think in that way when u r actually behaving a negative communication to me?"not even receive a msg or call from him after 2 weeks.
Although i know that i couldn't get any answer that i want from him. But still,I wanna say thanks alot to him that he came back for me. N made me loved him so much which I never loved someone so deep before. With my endless love & no regret. Thanks honey. I love you.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
reminisce
It's Sat nite and i'm not going anywhere, kinda unbelieveable. Furthermore, i'm alone at home, what a peaceful nite. Well, it's about 5 days i didn't get his reply. I'm getting sick of taking any initiative of sending him a msg or calling him. I think if he cares and thinks about me, he'll look for me. Just like what he used to do...
2 days ago, i came back home late after chilled out with some friends. While i was driving back home, i had no idea why did i keep thinking bout him. Like i said, we hardly keep in touch with each other anymore, still i can't forget him and missing him. Drinking and missing someone who i love?? sometimes i just don't know why... I always think, after drinking, then missing someone.. i think that's the 1 who u r caring about the most all time.
That nite, i just kept crying n almost from all the way back to home. Just felt nostalgia at that moment. I've been holding my tear for so long after i knew that i hardly to get him. & liked totally heart-broken. One thing i just don't understand that why did he neglect me..? what did i do? Well, probably he is seeing someone. Still, i don't think he'll just leave me in this way..
Sometimes, I was thinking ..last time he used to be busy but still he could keep in touch with me, and sending or replying a msg doesn't hv to take more than 5 mins. Thinking back..Well probably, he was alone and felt lonely when he was in dubai, so coincident we met and able to chat on everynite, that's y he had a chance to approach me.
Anyway, it's not his fault at all, i felt in love with him just because i love him nothing else i could blame on. Stupid me, but.. i have no regret at all of being with him. Just appreciate every moments we used to have before. We shared and enjoyed our jokes, laughter, joy and our love.. i even now feel like wanna cry of writing this.. i always wondering will i ever see him again? or.. maybe now it's my turn to make myself M.I.A, so that both of us wouldn't get hurt,n walk away just like that~
2 days ago, i came back home late after chilled out with some friends. While i was driving back home, i had no idea why did i keep thinking bout him. Like i said, we hardly keep in touch with each other anymore, still i can't forget him and missing him. Drinking and missing someone who i love?? sometimes i just don't know why... I always think, after drinking, then missing someone.. i think that's the 1 who u r caring about the most all time.
That nite, i just kept crying n almost from all the way back to home. Just felt nostalgia at that moment. I've been holding my tear for so long after i knew that i hardly to get him. & liked totally heart-broken. One thing i just don't understand that why did he neglect me..? what did i do? Well, probably he is seeing someone. Still, i don't think he'll just leave me in this way..
Sometimes, I was thinking ..last time he used to be busy but still he could keep in touch with me, and sending or replying a msg doesn't hv to take more than 5 mins. Thinking back..Well probably, he was alone and felt lonely when he was in dubai, so coincident we met and able to chat on everynite, that's y he had a chance to approach me.
Anyway, it's not his fault at all, i felt in love with him just because i love him nothing else i could blame on. Stupid me, but.. i have no regret at all of being with him. Just appreciate every moments we used to have before. We shared and enjoyed our jokes, laughter, joy and our love.. i even now feel like wanna cry of writing this.. i always wondering will i ever see him again? or.. maybe now it's my turn to make myself M.I.A, so that both of us wouldn't get hurt,n walk away just like that~
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
blamelessly
He started a new job, and i understood that things could be different after that. Coz he won't be travelling as much as he used to. N he'll have more time to spend with his friends and family. I was worried actually, but... well, i'll just take it easy.
Still, sometimes he called me, text me.. but hardly online chat. I really missing those days we used to chat on skype at nights.. till 4am sometimes, i was enjoyed it.
Day after day... i started hardly to get his reply. He used to call me insistently even though i told him i wanted to go to bed, at least 5 mins. And i actually set a caller ringtone. It's Whiteney Houston- Exhale. I always feel good and happy when my phone plays that song, coz he's calling me..=) and i got him a shirt for valentine's day, sending him that gift just because i do take him as my lover.
There was a day i was so pissed off and sad..i couldn't get him for a few days. I called him and had a serious talk with him... "What is our status? will u commit this relationship?y r u treating me like that?" i just cried. That was 2nd time i cried for him. Coz he seemed like wanted to let go this relationship, sometimes i felt that i'm the one for him, but sometimes not at all. All this while i thought i would be the one who might be given up in this relationship when we started. And i didn't expect he could be the one. And been neglected me after he left KL. I thought we'll have better communication.. but... i really have no idea why did he treat me like that.
While i was asking him those questions, i actually already told myself that i'll commit this relationship, and think about how to build up a better relationship with him even for our future. He actually knew that what kinda answer that i want to hear from him. But i also knew that he won't simply give me an answer, somehow i didn't expect or want him to answer me immediately. He told me that he needs more time. I just don't want to commit this relationship only by myself, it's totally imbalance. Nothing will be working out if i'm the only one who sacrified and put effort on it. I just need a clear guideline.. although our status is more than friend.
I used to tell him "pls don't tell me if u have found a gf or seeing someone".. coz i couldn't take the fact i guess. But after he came back for me.. i totally changed my mind. I really love him. I told him better let me know if he had found a girl or seeing someone, coz i don't want to be the 3rd party not a bitch either. But he said he won't tell me. I actually feel that he seems like my Part-time lover. He text me when he remembered me.
It's about 2 months i didn't get to hear the song of "Exhale" been played from my phone..n i expected something goes wrong on this relationship, but still i text him, but not that frequent anymore coz i knew that he won't reply me sometimes. Still, i love him, that's y i still wanna keep in touch with him. I know i'm being stupid n silly on this... just can't tell. Although I'm still waiting for the answer, indeed i'm so scare to get the answer. He probably won't give me the answer, somehow i think i won't ask anymore, everything just let it be and take it easy.. couldn't blame anyone.
I do thinking about him, missing him everyday, but i don't know bout his feeling anymore. I love him, that's all i know, nothing much or further else i can do if we don't keep in touch. Letting him know that i love him is the only thing i can do.
Still, sometimes he called me, text me.. but hardly online chat. I really missing those days we used to chat on skype at nights.. till 4am sometimes, i was enjoyed it.
Day after day... i started hardly to get his reply. He used to call me insistently even though i told him i wanted to go to bed, at least 5 mins. And i actually set a caller ringtone. It's Whiteney Houston- Exhale. I always feel good and happy when my phone plays that song, coz he's calling me..=) and i got him a shirt for valentine's day, sending him that gift just because i do take him as my lover.
There was a day i was so pissed off and sad..i couldn't get him for a few days. I called him and had a serious talk with him... "What is our status? will u commit this relationship?y r u treating me like that?" i just cried. That was 2nd time i cried for him. Coz he seemed like wanted to let go this relationship, sometimes i felt that i'm the one for him, but sometimes not at all. All this while i thought i would be the one who might be given up in this relationship when we started. And i didn't expect he could be the one. And been neglected me after he left KL. I thought we'll have better communication.. but... i really have no idea why did he treat me like that.
While i was asking him those questions, i actually already told myself that i'll commit this relationship, and think about how to build up a better relationship with him even for our future. He actually knew that what kinda answer that i want to hear from him. But i also knew that he won't simply give me an answer, somehow i didn't expect or want him to answer me immediately. He told me that he needs more time. I just don't want to commit this relationship only by myself, it's totally imbalance. Nothing will be working out if i'm the only one who sacrified and put effort on it. I just need a clear guideline.. although our status is more than friend.
I used to tell him "pls don't tell me if u have found a gf or seeing someone".. coz i couldn't take the fact i guess. But after he came back for me.. i totally changed my mind. I really love him. I told him better let me know if he had found a girl or seeing someone, coz i don't want to be the 3rd party not a bitch either. But he said he won't tell me. I actually feel that he seems like my Part-time lover. He text me when he remembered me.
It's about 2 months i didn't get to hear the song of "Exhale" been played from my phone..n i expected something goes wrong on this relationship, but still i text him, but not that frequent anymore coz i knew that he won't reply me sometimes. Still, i love him, that's y i still wanna keep in touch with him. I know i'm being stupid n silly on this... just can't tell. Although I'm still waiting for the answer, indeed i'm so scare to get the answer. He probably won't give me the answer, somehow i think i won't ask anymore, everything just let it be and take it easy.. couldn't blame anyone.
I do thinking about him, missing him everyday, but i don't know bout his feeling anymore. I love him, that's all i know, nothing much or further else i can do if we don't keep in touch. Letting him know that i love him is the only thing i can do.
Friday, May 14, 2010
moments
Really enjoyed the moments of being with him for the whole week. Didn't even want to leave him, or letting him to leave me, kinda self-fish.
There was a day we shopped at a mall. He insisted want to get a perfume for me.. and i had no idea which to take, n i said i dont actually need it. Then suddenly, he was holding my hand n walked around to look for one.. i felt so sweet n warm, although just only holding hands.Coz suddenly i really felt that he was the 1 for me. I loved that moment so much..
The last day, when he was leaving in the evening. I tried to spend as much time with him as i could. He was hugging me so tight, n i could see through his eyes were almost cry. Well, i already cried inside my heart, i never tell him bout that. Just that i didn't want to cry in front of him. Everytime when we kiss & touch to each other...i just can't tell him how much i love him. The very last kissed we had.. indeed, i felt sad & even felt like wanted to grab my passport and leave with him.
He called me when he was in airport. We talked.. when we were about to hang up the call and said goodbye.. i still remember he said "i love u" before he hung up... although he used to say that, but this time was different, i could feel that he said it from bottom of his heart with another memorable moments & quality times that he spent with me. And his tone was totally different. Liked back to the very 1st time he told me he falls in love with me.
Then, i told myself... i'll put more efforts on this relationship although i wouldnt know what will happen on us, at least no regret, and i won't miss out anything on him. And i think we'll be getting more improvement in this relationship after he came back for me. We should just get better and better... Hope everything goes well.
There was a day we shopped at a mall. He insisted want to get a perfume for me.. and i had no idea which to take, n i said i dont actually need it. Then suddenly, he was holding my hand n walked around to look for one.. i felt so sweet n warm, although just only holding hands.Coz suddenly i really felt that he was the 1 for me. I loved that moment so much..
The last day, when he was leaving in the evening. I tried to spend as much time with him as i could. He was hugging me so tight, n i could see through his eyes were almost cry. Well, i already cried inside my heart, i never tell him bout that. Just that i didn't want to cry in front of him. Everytime when we kiss & touch to each other...i just can't tell him how much i love him. The very last kissed we had.. indeed, i felt sad & even felt like wanted to grab my passport and leave with him.
He called me when he was in airport. We talked.. when we were about to hang up the call and said goodbye.. i still remember he said "i love u" before he hung up... although he used to say that, but this time was different, i could feel that he said it from bottom of his heart with another memorable moments & quality times that he spent with me. And his tone was totally different. Liked back to the very 1st time he told me he falls in love with me.
Then, i told myself... i'll put more efforts on this relationship although i wouldnt know what will happen on us, at least no regret, and i won't miss out anything on him. And i think we'll be getting more improvement in this relationship after he came back for me. We should just get better and better... Hope everything goes well.
Monday, May 10, 2010
the best present
Day after day... when his job was getting busy, he didn't do much keep in touch with me. Well, it didn't make me feel good. Sometimes even got mad. But... was thinking "What's our status? Why am i getting so mad?We r just nothing.." sometimes i couldn't even tell myself and sometimes i even got so pissed off that i told myself "don't msg him!" still, i text him.. or he'll call me. Just irresistable.
2 days before my birthday, i couldn't really get him. This time.. i didn't get mad, in fact i got sad..very sad. I thought not to msg him anymore..Then the next day, he text me & asked what's my weekend plan for this week?? actually i felt that question was kinda weird, which he hardly ask what's my upcoming weekend's plan.. i didn't reply.. coz he could might take another day to reply me. To avoid this happen, i just didn't want to reply. After couple hours, he text me again.
At night, i was gonna celebrate my birthday with my friends. Then i replied him... after sending a few msgs, he told me he is now in KL. Still, i didn't believe.. then after a few msgs again. I can't stand for it, i didn't know why. I wanted to CALL him Immediately! coz he used to Missing In Action for all the time, then suddenly kept sending me msg. I felt so weird. Then, he told me he's actually in kl now, n staying in Prince hotel, told me to look for him after my celebration. I was liked........n was telling to myself "ohhk.. this is not a joke."
After celebrated with my friends, a friend of mine dropped me to the hotel. I got tipsy, but still i can't stop thinking about him while i was waiting for him at the lobby. "Is it a joke?" i still couldn't believe it that he told me he's in KL. When he walked out from the elevator, i was so so so happy, can't even explain my feeling, i even felt like wanted to cry. I just can't control myself i hug him immediately not because i got tipsy. Before that, i used to tell myself.. i want to hug him so tight if i meet him again. And.. I DID! feeling was totally different unlike the day we met at skybar.
I felt like.. wanted to tell everyone in the world that's the BEST Present that i ever had in my life. I was getting in love with him again.. and even more! i just loved that feeling.. feel so good,sweet,warm,unforgettable memory.. even now i still can feel that while i'm writing this.
2 days before my birthday, i couldn't really get him. This time.. i didn't get mad, in fact i got sad..very sad. I thought not to msg him anymore..Then the next day, he text me & asked what's my weekend plan for this week?? actually i felt that question was kinda weird, which he hardly ask what's my upcoming weekend's plan.. i didn't reply.. coz he could might take another day to reply me. To avoid this happen, i just didn't want to reply. After couple hours, he text me again.
At night, i was gonna celebrate my birthday with my friends. Then i replied him... after sending a few msgs, he told me he is now in KL. Still, i didn't believe.. then after a few msgs again. I can't stand for it, i didn't know why. I wanted to CALL him Immediately! coz he used to Missing In Action for all the time, then suddenly kept sending me msg. I felt so weird. Then, he told me he's actually in kl now, n staying in Prince hotel, told me to look for him after my celebration. I was liked........n was telling to myself "ohhk.. this is not a joke."
After celebrated with my friends, a friend of mine dropped me to the hotel. I got tipsy, but still i can't stop thinking about him while i was waiting for him at the lobby. "Is it a joke?" i still couldn't believe it that he told me he's in KL. When he walked out from the elevator, i was so so so happy, can't even explain my feeling, i even felt like wanted to cry. I just can't control myself i hug him immediately not because i got tipsy. Before that, i used to tell myself.. i want to hug him so tight if i meet him again. And.. I DID! feeling was totally different unlike the day we met at skybar.
I felt like.. wanted to tell everyone in the world that's the BEST Present that i ever had in my life. I was getting in love with him again.. and even more! i just loved that feeling.. feel so good,sweet,warm,unforgettable memory.. even now i still can feel that while i'm writing this.
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